冲突管理：重演和地雷 Conflict Management: Patterns and land mines

 

（1）冲突往往会发生在同样的议题、被同样的状况引发。没有正视问题、没有治根，同样的冲突就会重演。问题在重演，是有迹可循的。要打破僵局，首先要懂得认清在重复的事。

（2）别人的地雷：什么事会触发对方？导致事情谈不下去？不一定需要逃避讨论。可以延后处理，或要有同理心的去处理。明知道有地雷就不要一脚踩下去。

（3）自己的地雷：什么事会触发自己？自己是否可以安定情绪冷静面对？为什么这事情会让自己失衡？

这些都是冲突管理要思考的事。 (1) Conflicts ofter recur, repeating the same patterns. The same situations and topics keep triggering the same conflicts, because we never address the root causes. Notice the patterns, and break them.

(2) What triggers your counterpart and make it impossible to continue any effective discussion? You don't always have to avoid the topic, but sometimes it is better to defer the discussion, or it needs to be handled with empathy and sensitivity. Don't stomp on land mines.

(3) What triggers you? What does it unbalance you? Can you face it while staying cool and rational? Would that work better?

These are what we need to think about when navigating conflicts.

The Laws of Human Nature

 

A big part of, or maybe the only part of, being an effective leader, is understanding people. This book from Robert Greene offers many case studies, scenarios and perspectives. Leaders need to understand not only others around them, but also themselves. Equipped with the right frameworks and knowledge, we improve the productivity, livelihood, and lives of people in our charge.

leadership skills in a different context

"You are so good at work, why can't you apply it at home?"

I am coaching a people leader at a multinational corporation, and this was what her mother once said to her. Why indeed. She can navigate the complex politics at work and handle the different emotions and needs of her many team members. People see her as a source of positive energy, always supportive and able to defuse tense situations. But at home, she struggles to manage her own children. One reason a child is harder to handle than a network of colleagues is we are much more emotionally involved. We can be calm and rational when dealing with work issues, but at home it's not as easy to be objective and detached. You can quit your job, but you can't fire your son. Do you think leaderships skills can be applied at home?

lonely lunch

 

Do you have lunch with your subordinates?

When we were juniors in a company, we didn't like the idea of having lunch with the boss. They are going to talk about work again; I feel nervous around the boss; I need a break; I prefer to have a relaxing lunch time with my friends. When you now lead and manage a team, the tables turn. You want to build trust and relationships in your team. You want to be treated like a normal person. You just don't want to eat alone. But you also worry about how your subordinates will think and feel. What is a leader to do?

The transactional employee

Definition: The type who do just enough to fulfil their duties. They don't want to do any more than what's in their job scope. They don't care about the company's vision and mission. They are not here to make friends. This is just a job and they do it only for the salary. They want to leave work on time. They don't want to listen to your motivational talks. 

As leaders, our job is to inspire and develop people. How do we handle employees with a highly transactional mindset? 

The first question we must ask ourselves is what kind of organisation we are. Do we have a role where a transactional employee can fit in just fine? Without negatively affecting the morale of the team? Work is getting done and they are productive? Then by all means leave them be and allocate your time on others where you can make more impact. If your organisation needs a creative and innovative culture, or your industry needs nimbleness and fast learning cycles, then you may not want to recruit or retain transactional employees. They will become counter productive. 

How do you currently manage transactional employees? 

A good leader is a great listener

 

A good leader is able to encourage others to speak up. A good leader is alert about when to stop talking and to listen instead. Listening gives us so much power. By understanding people, their motivations and their concerns, we can be much more effective and precise in making the right decisions.

find a job you love

 

要找到理想事业，首先要学会敬业乐业。不懂敬业乐业，再好的事业也不会满足。 Before trying to find a job you love, try loving the job you have.