Master negotiator tip #5

 

Name it to tame it - address the emotions. 

This will sound like a rather "Western" thing. In Asian culture, people usually don't talk about emotions. Certainly we don't consider it in business or work related negotiations. So this feels awkward to us. 

Explicitly addressing an emotion can be an important step in preventing a negotiation from being derailed by impulse and ego. 

"I sense you are frustrated when I ask that you provide ROI projections."  Stating this makes your counterpart realise he doesn't need to get frustrated, or it allows him to express why he is frustrated, so that you can better understand his concerns. 

"When I suggest this alternative, you reject it immediately before I explain the details. I feel disappointed and it seems to me you are not willing to hear my perspective."  Stating this helps your counterpart see from your angle and empathise with your position. At the same time it anchors you to stay calm. 

Naming the emotion resets and centres the negotiation to working out a win-win. 

Master negotiator tip #4

 

Ask open questions. 

Don't be fixated on the parts you get stuck on, else you cannot move forward. Ask open questions so that you can discover more about what is important to your counterpart. Open questions invite your counterpart to share information and views which you otherwise might not know. From there maybe there is something else you can offer. An HR Manager looking to retain talent may ask, "What would it take for you to reconsider staying with us?" 

Don't ask "why" questions, because they are often interpreted as challenges or judgement. Ask "what" and "how" questions. "How can I structure this deal so that it makes more sense to you?" 

Master negotiator tip #3

 

Keep your own ego in check.  

We want to win. We think highly of ourselves. We feel we deserve more. We feel insulted when the other party offers less than what we expected. Sometimes it is because of our ego that we become stubborn and unable, or even unwilling, to see the true picture. So yes, sometimes we are the problem. Now this is not about always giving in to the other party's requests. It is about taking a fair and unbiased view. 

In one negotiation I have experienced personally, when presented with the initial offer, my first instinct was this was a lowball offer and an insult. I wanted to respond by stating my ask, and telling them to just take it or leave it. I stopped myself, and spent some time researching the market rates for this nature of work. I found out that even considering the various factors like my experience and the topic of training, the offer was reasonable. I accepted it, and avoided the unnecessary tedious haggling, which might not have produced results anyway. It saved everyone's time, and we all got what we wanted. 

Master negotiator tip #2

 

Understand and address the emotions. 

Some negotiations go nowhere because both parties are emotionally charged. People become stubborn and unreasonable when they are emotionally charged. In many negotiations, the physical items being fought over, or the tasks being debated, are not actually the main point. You need to address the emotions involved. 

One minor shareholder who has been with the business for 20 years wants to exit and wants to sell his shares to the majority shareholder. He asks for a much higher price than the market value. The majority shareholder wants to buy the shares, but not at such a price. They are stuck because no one is willing to give in. What emotions are not being addressed? For the minor shareholder, money is not the only thing he wants. Even if he does not say it, he wants to feel appreciated and recognised for his contributions to the company for those 20 years of his life. Possibly he is asking for a high price because he feels he has been underappreciated for many years. If this is never discussed or addressed, the two parties may never reach an outcome they are both happy with. 

Master negotiator tip #1

 

Be on the same side. 

Most people when they consider themselves in a negotiation, they automatically see themselves in a zero sum game. You and the other party are on opposite ends of a table. When one side gains, the other loses. So both sides fight mercilessly to get what they want. This limiting mindset results in many people walking away from negotiations having gained little or nothing. 

What master negotiators do is they learn to understand their counterpart and see from their perspective. They build trust and try to help their counterpart achieve what is most important for them. When you frame a negotiation as a problem to solve together instead of a tug of war, you will be more creative in finding a solution. 

How leaders handle incompetence #5

 

Strong leaders often feel frustrated by the incompetence they see in their organisations. One important thing we must do is to 

reflect on our own definitions of competence. Is it really a competence problem, or do you just want things your way? We become leaders because we are good at what we do. From our successful experiences, we have formed opinions and preferences on how things should be done. When things are not done exactly how we would have done them, we feel it's not good enough. 

When we ask our teams to complete a task, we have to be precise and fair about what the desired outcome is. We have every right to expect nothing less, and we must also remind ourselves to expect nothing more. Sometimes it is those unspoken expectations that frustrate not only ourselves, but also our teams. 

How leaders handle incompetence #4

 

I learned this simple framework about understanding why people do not perform. Reasons for underperformance can be classified into four types:

1. Don't know - They don't even realise that they are performing below expectations. 
2. Don't know how - They know what they are supposed to do, but they can't do it. They are not trained. They have never been taught. 
3. Can't - They know how to do the job, but they are not given the resources or the authority to do it. 
4. Won't - They have everything they need to do the job, but they choose not to. 

If the reason is (1), then we must clearly communicate our expectations and our standards. If (2), we teach them, train them, or find other ways for them to learn what they need to do. If (3), we need to give them the budget, we need to secure enough other people whose support they need, and so on. (4) is more complicated. Is it because they are forced to work with someone they don't like? Do they feel the work is beneath them? Do they not trust you? There are many possibilities. 

This tool is simple, and what it does is it tells us instead of feeling frustrated and complaining about incompetence, we must think deeply about the root causes, identify them, and take the right actions to address them.