The best way to win an argument

 

The best way to win an argument is to not have to start one.

Conflicts are hard to avoid. Not starting an argument doesn't mean pretending there is no conflict, which would be worse. However conflicts do no have to always end up in arguments. The moment an argument becomes the mode in defining a conflict, the two parties are already sitting at opposite ends of the table. It becomes difficult to let go of your positions to find a common ground. Frame the conflict as a shared problem, and you will be collaborating to solve a problem, not fighting to change someone's mind to what you want. One module in my training programme for leaders is conflict management. This is a critical module and moreso for senior leaders because as we rise in rank, we also bloat our egos. We actually get worse at handling conflicts. Comment yes below if you've observed such behaviour in senior leaders.

Everything Everywhere All At Once

 

I swear I was going to post about this movie before Michelle Yeoh won the Oscar for it today. I watched it a few weeks ago and was deeply struck by some of the messages. One of them is how we sometimes go through life regretting our choices and wishing for what could have been, that we forget to appreciate and cherish what we do have. In life and at work, we see this all the time. I have a horrible boss; my team is uncommitted; my company is too small and cannot attract talent; my brand is too weak to fight the established brands. Complaining won't help. Why not focus on building something out of what we have. Start here. That's what we have. Life is not a movie.

We can change our lives through micro habits

 

(1) Micro habits must be small, and too easy to achieve, so that even on your worst days, you can still keep up. (2) Micro habits allow you to exceed your target as much or as little as you want. Let's say I want to be a better leader. I'll set a daily goal of reading one page of a leadership book. Just one page a day. Not a book a week, not 50 books a year. Only one page a day. It's too easy. When I feel like it, I can read 2 pages. Or a chapter. Or half the book. When I don't have the energy, I will read one page. I will be achieving the goal every day, and that helps me build my habit. If I want to be fitter, I'll set a micro habit of 10 pushups a day. If I want to be a good writer, I'll write 50 words a day. If I want to explore a new business, I'll allocate 5 minutes to work on it every day. If I want to play the guitar better, I'll play one song every day. Too easy. Your habits define your life. What's your micro habit?

say what?

 

对方听不进的话，何必说

对方想要听的话，何妨说

对方须要听的话，小心说，用心说

If it's something the person won't listen to, why say it? If it's something the person wants to hear, why not say it? If it's something the person needs to hear, say it tactfully and kindly.

Life's most valuable lessons come from the people you hate

 

This is not referring to learning what not to do. When you find yourself hating a person, that may actually tell you more about yourself than the other person. 

What you want clouds what you see

 

We sometimes deceive ourselves that what we see in front of us is exactly what we have been looking for. A new job, a new relationship, a new business partner. We jump in because it is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity we don't want to miss. Unfortunately sometimes our deepest desire trick us into seeing what we want, instead of how things really are. If we never learn our lesson, we will go into a cycle of hope and disappointment. Stay grounded. Take a deep breath.

I envy my wife

My wife Michelle and her group of friends from secondary school days have a tradition which they have upheld for many years. Every year on the 3rd day of Chinese New Year, they have a gathering and bring their families. This started before some of the children were born, and by now the oldest ones are going to university. I am amazed when I compare the group photo taken this year with that taken 10 years ago. 

Friendships are treasures in our lives. They take conscious effort to maintain, from everyone, not just from one or two enthusiastic organisers. When you know a friend is important to you, take the effort to reach out, and make time for them.